Red Flag Relationships: More Than Arm Candy

“I just think you should maybe reconsider how you might look to them?”

“But if they’re your friends, won’t they just accept me as I am? For making you happy?”

“Yeah, babe! Of course! But you want to make the best impression, don’t you?”

“But I don’t want to look too over-dressed next to you – you’re just in your baggy jeans and a t-shirt that’s two-sizes too big!”


Double-standards, when linked with control, isn’t a healthy combination for a relationship. While it is true, that sometimes we have to dress a certain way to be perceived a certain way, to have a guy try and dictate to you how you look, when he slums it in baggy jeans, or joggers, is not exactly a balanced relationship.

There are men who like to have a beautiful accessory on his arm, and I’m not talking about some kind of gold or silver bracelet! And, yeah…. I know….there are some women who are OK with just being an accessory. I don’t get why – because God did not make women to just be a bit of “arm candy” for men, but to reflect Him as man’s equal. Oh my days, I literally just want to shake those girls by the shoulders and say, “Hey! You’re so much more than an accessory! Have more faith in who you are and what you can achieve!”

And have you seen some of those blokes?!

Seriously, if some guy is coming all up into your life, and wanting you to be his “arm candy”, maybe he needs to make sure he is living up to being attached to your arm in the first place!

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the kinds of men I am not interested in. Not that I want to dictate to a man what he can or can’t do – but basic psychology says that we make a judgement about someone within three seconds of meeting them. Not that I expect I will live to my dream guy’s expectations, because we’re all a work in progress, but I know if I’m going to make a good impression within those first three seconds, part of that does involve my wardrobe choices.

But what I find increasingly annoying are those guys who have a double-standard about how they step out of the house, and how they expect women to step out of the house.

If a man can’t accept you for who you are, wardrobe and all, even if that’s walking around in Ugg boots or crocs **shudder**, or some other such hideous pair of shoes; what’s to say he won’t start trying to change who you are on the inside too, so you start to fit his ideal of what a woman should be? Or to fit his perception of what he thinks you should be.

The way we dress is important….for us! We can’t dress in a certain way in the hope we will be more acceptable, more lovable, more attractive, or whatever. It’s the same as in the work place when a woman’s appearance is judged to be more important than her capabilities.

Outfits change. Our dress sense changes. Our style changes. What doesn’t ever change, is who we really are – but how we reflect that in any given moment should be our choice as women, and not because of how a guy wants to fit you into his agenda. You were made for more! If a man – especially if he hasn’t “put a ring on it” – consistently starts trying to tell you about changing how to dress, maybe it’s time to change your man instead.

Don’t conform to make him accept you more.

Find your own style, and live in the freedom to just be you.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s