Does the Church Know How to Deal with Singletons?
Everyone needs that someone they can go to, who will know instantly how to melt away the fears and anxieties. I know ultimately, God is that One…. But come on, own up! Who will admit to needing that physical presence? The one person who knows how to hold you close, reassuring you that you’re going to be OK? The one person who will go with you to a tough appointment? That one person who will be by your side to make life-changing decisions?
Let’s not get all hyper-spiritual about it, and tell the vast army of singletons in the church how they should only desire God. Because God didn’t create humanity to be alone. He created us in His image, for relationship. For support. For sharing.
After the tough relationship experience I was led away from, I am at ease in my singleness. I have no desire to change that right now, as I know me and God still have some work to do. But every now and again, if I was to be completely honest, there are times when being a responsible adult is hard work, and I could really do with that one guy who will know how to melt the anxiety away. Suitors need not apply!
I’m not vulnerable. I am more than content to sit cozy in front of the fire on my furry blanket, with a glass of wine, reading and listening to what I want to listen to! But I know there others out there for whom this is more of a challenge.
I had a conversation recently with someone who felt that the Church in general was not the safest of places for single people. He felt like the singletons are always called upon to do stuff, as they don’t have family commitments. Another friend in a separate conversation said she felt that as a single woman, she was watched like a hawk about who she is spending time with, and feels like she’s judged to be more of a threat because she is single and not attached.
Is this the reality for single people in the Church? Are we seen through a different lens? Are we more of a threat? More disposable because we are seen to have less commitments? Or does this apparent division between those who are single and those who are attached reflect more about those who feel this way?
I know during the times I have been single, I had actually been asked if I thought I was too “vulnerable” as a single woman. Does this automatically mean I must therefore be a “threat” to all the guys around me, single or otherwise. And the answer, to anyone who even thinks about asking me is….. No chance! Yep, even now, after an emotionally and psychologically challenging experience, I am a warrior in heels, not some quivering wreak with mug written over my face!
I know who I am, and my source of encouragement and security comes from my relationship with God. He has literally provided all my needs for this stage in life, so I am perfectly fine. Thank you for your concern.
Although, back to my opening sentance, I cannot deny that once in a while, hoping for that one who will melt away my fears and anxieties is tucked away in my heart for a future day. Til then, it’s me and God walking out the call He has given me, and the destiny to which He is leading me.
But I know not all of you who are single feel the same way. So I hope you find find some encouragement in the friends you have, and the relationship God desires to develop with you. Otherwise the fear is that your desire may give way to desperation, and desperation can lead us to making stupid choices which are potentially damaging, or not right for you.
It’s a tough journey, I know. But give your heart time to heal, and give yourself time to know who you really are. Especially if you are newly single again.