How does attractiveness work? Is it something which can be learned, or is it something someone is born with? I read an article in the week which had gleaned data from one of the dating apps and decided who were the most attractive people in the UK. But “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, isn’t it? And isn’t real attraction more than skin-deep?
So, when someone looks at you, what do they see? When we catch a glimpse of you, what is it about yourself you are portraying to the world around you? When we interact with you, what do we know about who you are? Are you skin-deep, or is there something more about you?
No one can really know who you are, beyond what you show of yourself. So why do we allow other people to influence how we think of ourselves, or how we look, or – to an extent for some – who you are?
“For what person knows the thoughts and motives of a man except the man’s spirit within him? So no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.” 1 CORINTHIANS 2:11 AMP
When people look, they can only really see what you want them to see. A reflection of who you are. People can only know you as much as you are prepared to share with them about your inner thoughts, desires, dreams, hopes and wants. And yet, too often, we allow the outside influence of others to dictate who we should be. More than God, in some instances, perhaps?
I look at how much the celebrity culture has gained momentum over the last few years, and how much influence some of these “icons of womanhood” have over how women – I’m out even going to limit it just to young women – think of themselves. It’s all become incredibly superficial and unrealistic.
The most confident women are not those who carry the latest must-have accessories, or who have a zillion followers on social media to rival the Kardashians; they’re not even those who seem to float through life with everyone falling at their feet. No, the most confident women are those who know who they are, and walk in that regardless of what is happening in the media.
You want to be more confident this year? Stop watching what’s happening in the world and comparing yourself to who you’re seeing. Because guess what, what you see of who they are, is not who they really are in the first place! Just as you portray a reflection of yourself. So do they. Becoming more like that person you’re admiring, imitating or idolising is not going to bring you confidence or happiness in life, because even they aren’t that person you see.
Finding the person you are, is what will bring you true confidence. Because you’re not trying to be someone else. You’re not trying to become the reflective portrayal of someone you think you know.
You’re attractive as you, not as someone else. You’re attraction isn’t built on how much you can replicate the standards of the world. You’re not going to grab his attention by trying to fit yourself to someone else’s mould.
“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes…clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God…” 1 Peter 3:3-5
Walking tall in who you are starts with looking in the mirror and learning to accept yourself. You don’t need to hide behind someone else’s shadow. You don’t need to melt yourself into someone else’s reflection. We’re good at recognising the good in others, but why do we find it so hard to see the good in ourselves?
Give yourself a chance, this year. Find your good qualities, build on them, and find the confidence of who you are, instead of who you think you should be based on the reflections being portrayed in society around you.