At the beginning of 2015, I had an interesting experience as I was taking a lunchtime walk.
Suddenly, in front of me, I saw a huge dark hole opening up, a pit that was so deep and so wide, I couldn’t see beyond it. Behind me it felt like an army of people threatening to push me into the darkness, while huge dark clouds overwhelmed me as a dark barrier between me and God. It felt as though I was the edge of a precipice and there was no way around it, no way to get past it. I could only go through it. But I couldn’t see the steps which would lead me across.
I heard God whisper into my heart, “I will show you the way across. When it’s time to move, the steps will become clear.”
A few days later, I shared this with my prayer partner, and we both thought this was a clear message for where I was at that time.
Looking back a year later, I believe this was more about what I was about to endure, rather than what I thought I was dealing with at that moment. I believe God was showing me what I was going to face that year. And while I stood on the edge of that dark pit on a cold but sunny, February afternoon, Abba was revealing to me the darkness which was to come, with the assurance He would be with me, and He will lead me across. There was no way to avoid what was going to happen. But I wouldn’t be alone. He will lead me through, even though it would often feel like I was completely alone, isolated and on the verge of falling. Even though it would feel like God couldn’t hear me because of the dark clouds which would consume and overwhelm me.
I stand, almost at the other side of that pit, almost having reached the other side.
And that’s the key thing here. I stand.
When walking through it, I honestly felt like I couldn’t see the end. Honestly felt like I would never see colour again. Honestly felt like the darkness, the inky-blackness, the despair would be all I would ever know. I honestly felt that the smile of true joy would never replace the fake one I often wore. But God has been faithful to His assurances that He will never leave me, never forsake me.
No matter how it feels – you have not been forsaken.
No matter what your head is saying – you have not been forgotten.
You will see colour.
You will find your smile.
You will reach the other side.
You will walk tall. Taller than you’ve ever walked before!!
BECAUSE of what you have walked through. Don’t stop while in the pit – even though you can’t see what’s in front of you. Keep walking. Sometimes it was about one small step. Other times it was about taking a leap of faith. And yeah – there were times when the darkness was so overwhelming, it felt like I wasn’t moving at all, or that I was walking around in a circle – my eyes blinded by what I couldn’t see.
But eventually, it starts to lift, and starts to feel slightly less oppressive. One day it feels like you might just be OK.