Have you ever felt waves of grief flooding through your heart and mind? Most people associate grief with loss: The death of a loved one, the grief of death.
But what about when the grief is not about the passing away of someone, but the death of a dream, of your (perceived) life, of your future. The grief of your past. The grief of what you have lived through. Have you ever experienced that? The wave which suddenly and without warning rises over you, even as you just live through the mundane moments of life. Where you feel the loss rising in your heart, welling up from the pit of your stomach, threatening to drown you, threatening to stop you in your tracks. Threatening to hide all the colour from life, forever and a day.
Grief is such a weird creature.
It’s not always about the loss of someone else. Sometimes, it’s the loss of who you thought you would be, which catches you off-guard, just as you start to wash the dishes. Or take a shower. Or drive home from shopping. Or read a book.
But the thing about grief is this – try to hide from it, and all it does is grow bigger. Embrace it, and it becomes this consuming darkness which follows you around like an oppressive shadow. You can’t hide from it. You can’t embrace it or allow it to stay in your life.
You can allow it to make its presence known in that moment, understand what it is trying to tell you, acknowledge the heart of the grief, for in acknowledging this, you’re ackowledging the pain you have buried deep in your heart, and allowing your heart the freedom to feel and to heal.
Yes, it feels so incredibly powerful in that moment. It feels like you can’t do anything except fall to the floor and sob, or bury your head in your hands and try to breath. But the moment will pass. It has done before, it will do again. And as you allow your heart this moment to connect with your mind and emotions, you give it space to feel the fear, to feel the sorrow, to feel the loss….or whatever else is contained within that wave. You acknowledge what is hidden within the wave of grief, and so it releases its grip on you a little bit more. You acknowledge it and allow the Lord to bring His healing into the deepest parts of your hurt. Which helps to lessen the burden of grief you carry. And reduces the swell of the wave over time.
Not all grief is the same.
Not all depression is the same.
But we can learn to walk with our heads high, because of where we choose to fix our gaze. Don’t look at the wave, look at where you are aiming to go. And allow the Holy Spirit to use the waves of the grief you feel to carry you closer to where He is leading you.
When the wave crashes, I know it feels as though this time, it will drown you. But it hasn’t before, and it won’t again.